Speak English!

  The  WSJ had an editorial a few days back that suggested more than strongly that brokers and financial advisors speak plain English rather than using technical words and phrases such as debentures, beta, alpha, quantitative analysis, PE ratio and non-correlated investments.  These three dollar words and phrases only make the broker seem more like a snake oil salesman than a professional. It seems that even the rich are overwhelmed with their broker’s terms and phrases and sick and tired of pretending to know what their selling or buying for them. They want to know what they need to know in plain seventh grade English.

I agree and I promise to do my bit only if the rest of the working world does the same.

What do you mean what do I mean? I mean everyone I do business with has their own special language and phraseology and speaks to me as if I know, or should know, exactly what they mean.

I take the Mustang into the shop for a tune-up and the mechanic takes a peek under the hood and comments, ‘I see you have  dual overhead cams and you know there’s been some problems with the port fuel injection.’ Whereupon my eyeballs slowly roll into the back of my head.

Try something simple? A few years back I had the outside of my home sided. I did this for two reasons – I hate painting and I hate painting. When I started getting bids for how much the job would cost words like soffit, overlap, single coursing and scarfed joint were bandied about like M&Ms at Halloween. The only words I really latched onto were siding and no discounts.

What could be simpler than having the local grass cutter fertilize and weed your lawn. Only last year I came back from vacation to see strange things growing throughout my lawn. I called ‘My Guy’ who told me, ‘Oh, yeah, you’ve  got Rhizoctonia Blight and we can clear that up with a dose of Chlorothalonil.’ And when I asked him to put in a few trees he asked if I’d like a stand of Picea glaucas to fill in the backyard.

Don’t think turning on the TV and watching a football game will sooth the communication jangles. Terms like dead ball foul, cut block, red zone and dime back may as well be describing the construction of the Hubble telescope.

It doesn’t stop. Call your lawyer, your accountant or the guy that does home closings or sells real estate and you enter the twilight zone of language. From Living Wills, Revocable Living Trusts, Power of Attorney, cost basis on stock sales, foreign exchange tax, loan to value, lien and warranty; someone sign me up for night school because English isn’t being spoken here.

And its everywhere. Work in a restaurant, diner or coffee shop and they got their own lingo going: Curtain rally, back of the house, deuce, cover, on a rail, hillbilly and nuke.

And I haven’t started with medical professional, teachers, factory workers, dentists,  police, fire fighters or people who gamble for a living.  Big Slick, Blinds, Ante, The Flop, A Set; are all descriptive words associated with Texas Holdem. Just one game.

There you have it. We’re all to blame. You, me and the candle stick maker. The problem is that we’ve created these words to describe to each other in the same business what we mean that we’ve forgotten other people just don’t know what the hell we’re talking about.

Questions call Paul @ 877 783 7080 or write him at pstanley@westminsterfinancial.com. Share this blog with someone who cares about their money.